The Winds are Changing

Good luck has come my way. I hate to jinx things, but I wonder how long it will last. For now, I need to just enjoy it.

I got the job! I will officially be working from home starting July 12th. I don't have words to describe how ecstatic I am! It's been so hard the last year. I've felt like such a failure being unable to help provide financially for my family.

The part that gives me pause and makes me worry about my luck changing again is that it is a temporary position until September or so. The silver lining is that if my ratings are good, I could be offered year-round work, or at the very least could start up again in January when their season picks up again. If nothing else, it will provide me with more recent work experience that could help me in the job hunt.

This couldn't have come at a better time. I've been slipping into a darker place recently (one reason I haven't blogged in awhile!) and really needed things to change. Now I just have to pray that things continue to improve!

I'm most happy that we can be a bit financially secure right now, and am hoping I keep the job so that continues. I feel horrible that we can't provide the things that I would like to provide for our children.

Speaking of the children, Kierra said something to my husband the other day that totally made me stop and marvel at her. My husband and the kids were waiting in the car for me. Kierra tells him that she wants to be a doctor when she grows up. She has said this a lot in the past. So he asked her why. In the past she's said because she wants to "feel people better." Sounds goofy, but the sentiment is beautiful. This time she says, "So I can fix Mommy so that she can run with me." I'm tearing up just typing that out even! She's always had something special to her. Not to push my other kids to the side since I know they have their own special gifts as well; but she's always had this wise-beyond-her-years understanding of people and genuine empathy. I've always felt that she was a healer, like me. Of course I won't push her to do that with her life if she doesn't choose it, but I will support what she wants to do. And I really would not be surprised if she wants to become a doctor.

This whole discussion reminds me of something I considered doing with her. This has pushed me further to the side of wanting to do it. I found Reiki healing classes for kids, but she has to be a bit older yet. I'm sure many will think I'm crazy for believing in that "made-up stuff," but I have seen energy healing firsthand and have been told that I am an energy healer if I ever would open myself up to it. I want classes for myself as well; but I do think Kierra has some amazing gifts as well.

Busy Summer

I've been meaning to get on here, but it's always one thing or another keeping me busy. Summer tends to be like that. ;)

This post will have to be a bit brief since it's late and I want to get a shower in before bed yet as well. That's one thing I miss from before kids - being able to shower whenever I wanted!

I might have a job offer tomorrow. I'm supposed to be getting a call letting me know if I got it or not. It's a work at home position! The bad news is it's seasonal and ends in September. The silver lining is that if I am a good worker, they might extend me a long term, year-round position. I'm hoping tomorrow brings good news!

The baby of the family will be walking soon, I think. Bittersweet...sigh. She's 10 1/2 months and today she pulled herself to standing and then let go and stood for a good 15 seconds before plopping back down.

Her sisters are doing well. I have more to say on them, but I really must shower! I will come back tomorrow with the job news (hopefully good!) and write more about the kids then.

I might be scarce for a bit...

My laptop will hopefully be fixed, so I don't have as much easy access to the internet now. I would often go on the laptop late at night in bed, but without it I only have the desktop. It's hard to find time to sit down and get on it during the day.

I'm hoping the laptop doesn't cost too much to be fixed and can be fixed since I will be taking online classes starting in August. I'm going to get a certificate that will prepare me for AODA licensure. Hopefully that will help with the job search!

Really busy around here, the whole month really. This weekend we have Mother's Day and Kierra's birthday party. Then we don't have a weekend totally free until June I think!

Time for a party - a pity party that is

I'm warning you this will be a pity party post. Just let me get it out of my system, and then I'll go back to my normal self - not really Susie Sunshine, but trying to be hopeful with a dose of realism as well.

I didn't get the job. Yes, I knew this was a big possibility. I told myself not to get my hopes up. But that's hard when I was facing the prospect of almost doubling our income. I was dreaming about the bills we could pay and the things we could finally do. It was like dangling a much-desired object in front of me, but then snatching it away right when I had the hope to finally reach out.

Okay, maybe a bit melodramatic. But this job would have made us financially set. It was above and beyond what I was hoping for. Not only was it high-paying, it also had flexible hours. The job was with youth, one of my favorite populations to work with. And it would involve planning the whole program...I LOVE planning.

The key part that reeled me in? I could actually physically do the job! It was part time, so it wouldn't tire me out. There were no personal cares involved which I physically cannot do. The likelihood of violent clients was also low. Finding a job I can actually do is very difficult. That would be why I graduated last May and have been looking for a year now.

I LOVE staying home with my kids and would be fine doing that and volunteering if that was financially possible. Unfortunately, we are just scraping by. Finding a part time job will make me feel less like I'm failing my family.

It is so frustrating to go through so many years of college and end up with a Master's degree that is proving to be useless for me with my disability. I'm either overqualified, underqualified (not licensed is a big one...duh I can't become licensed until after I get hours in at a job!), or I'm qualified but can't physically do it. Or the company doesn't want to deal with my disability. Yeah, try proving that discrimination happened.

I just want to take care of my family. I don't need a swimming pool in our yard and a BMW in the driveway. I just want to make sure that my kids have everything they need. Why is that so much to ask for?

Okay, pity party done. Now back to the regularly scheduled blog. ;)

No news is good news

I wish that went for job hunting too! I haven't heard a thing about the position I interviewed for on Monday. I did send a thank you note and will call if I haven't received a call by Monday. I just was really hoping to have heard something by now. The interview went great and I felt fairly confident when leaving. Of course they could have applicants better qualified. I'm still keeping my fingers crossed!

Kierra and Ali went to class yesterday morning for the first time. My mom took them to classes at the Y. I am so thankful that my mom is able to help with things like that. I think that really helps the kids not feel so much like I'm holding them back. What I can't do, Michael or another family member can. The classes went well my mom said. Ali did have her moments of being uncooperative, and that's one of the reasons that I wanted her to go to class. I want her to socialize a bit and get used to following classroom rules. Of course, to also get used to not being with her big sis. Those two are attached at the hip, but Kierra will be in 4K this fall and I thought these classes may ease that transition a bit.

Tomorrow, Kierra and Ali are going to Wisconsin Dells and staying in a hotel with an indoor waterpark. Again, my parents are taking them. Running around in a waterpark is another thing I can't do. The girls enjoy their grandparent time, though. So I'm very glad and thankful they get opportunities like this.

So, it will be Michael, Baby Lina, and me for most of the weekend. No big plans - just relaxing and getting household chores done. We have enough busy weekends in May, so I'll take the downtime!

Exciting news for me!

I wanted to post this yesterday, but as I said in my earlier post we've been sick here. We're both starting to be able to function a bit now, so I thought I would post now.

I sent in a resume for a part time job a few weeks ago. I got a call back! They set up an interview for Monday. I am very excited. It's working with youth. I've been waiting for a position like this to open up for awhile. Would appreciate good thoughts, prayers, good luck vibes, whatever you call it that the interview goes well and that this position will work for me! In my situation, it's VERY difficult to find positions that can work.

I have more thoughts on that matter, but I think I need to take my mind off of it for a bit. I tend to get myself too worked up over things if I let myself.

Other than my exciting news and us being sick, there hasn't been a whole lot going on around here. Which is good...it's nice to have a bit of down time once in awhile. More time to enjoy the children, and they have been cute lately. Sometimes I look at them and feel so lucky and wonder how I could be so lucky in this part of my life. Of course there are other times I wonder how three cute kids can be SO bad, but fortunately those times are short-lived! ;)

Oh, and something that should be duly noted - the floor by our laundry gets slick right after cleaning. This combined with socks equals a painful fall. I have bruises all over. Then I got sick, so I couldn't tell if the aches and pains were from the fall or illness. To top it all, Kierra says, "You slipped on the clean floor and not on my toys, Mommy?" Great...now she probably thinks a clean house is more dangerous and she will work harder at her path of destruction!

Random Thoughts on a Saturday Night

I have a bunch of thoughts running through my head and it was hard to condense things to one topic. So, this may be a bumpy ride. Hang on! ;)

Kierra's 4th birthday is May 14th already. I've been throwing around some ideas. So far she is insistant on two things. 1) She wants to go bowling. 2) She wants a Rescue Heroes theme. I figured we could do a really small bowling get together first, then a larger party later. Kierra really wants it at our house, but it's small and there really isn't any parking. We may have to have my mom host it again, which I still feel weird about. I wish we could do it here, but I just don't know how it could be feasible. I also had the idea of a park shelter, but those aren't overly cheap either.

Ali has started with the "Why" questions. When I tell her not to do something, she always responds with "Whyyyyyyyyyyy?" She does it in this high-pitched, drawn out way that makes me want to scream but at the same time she's just so darn cute! At least she listens...sometimes. We often have to convince her it was her idea and then she's more agreeable to going along with us. LOL

Angie is alsmot crawling! I'd give her a couple of weeks and my guess is she will be a pro. She will be 9 months old on Kierra's birthday. Already!

I haven't mentioned in this blog, so for anyone not familiar with me, I have a Master's degree in art therapy. I graduated in May 2009 and have been home with the kids since. I had signed up for classes online last month. I was hoping to get a post-Master's certificate in medical family therapy. But, alas, that won't be happening. They failed to mention to me that the program is aid-ineligible. Yeah...thanks. Ugh. I'm not working so I don't have more than a grand to plop down for each class. So now I am in the process of applying to take classes for AODA certification. I figure this will keep me active in the field and possibly increase my potential for getting hired at some point. At least I hope. I have been on the look out for a part time job but haven't found anything yet. I would need a position that I could do, and my disability seems to always be in the way. Of course they never say that is why when they turn me down. But come on...I go from "Wow...Master's in art therapy! How cool!" pre-interview to "Sorry, you don't meet our qualifications" in the letter later. I can't help feeling my disability has to be playing just a little part in that!

I think that was it for what I wanted to write but it's getting really late and my mind is more jumbled up now than it was earlier. Angie is teething, so it's been some sleepless nights for me lately. Since she's sleeping, it would be wise for me to do the same. ;)