The Winds are Changing

Good luck has come my way. I hate to jinx things, but I wonder how long it will last. For now, I need to just enjoy it.

I got the job! I will officially be working from home starting July 12th. I don't have words to describe how ecstatic I am! It's been so hard the last year. I've felt like such a failure being unable to help provide financially for my family.

The part that gives me pause and makes me worry about my luck changing again is that it is a temporary position until September or so. The silver lining is that if my ratings are good, I could be offered year-round work, or at the very least could start up again in January when their season picks up again. If nothing else, it will provide me with more recent work experience that could help me in the job hunt.

This couldn't have come at a better time. I've been slipping into a darker place recently (one reason I haven't blogged in awhile!) and really needed things to change. Now I just have to pray that things continue to improve!

I'm most happy that we can be a bit financially secure right now, and am hoping I keep the job so that continues. I feel horrible that we can't provide the things that I would like to provide for our children.

Speaking of the children, Kierra said something to my husband the other day that totally made me stop and marvel at her. My husband and the kids were waiting in the car for me. Kierra tells him that she wants to be a doctor when she grows up. She has said this a lot in the past. So he asked her why. In the past she's said because she wants to "feel people better." Sounds goofy, but the sentiment is beautiful. This time she says, "So I can fix Mommy so that she can run with me." I'm tearing up just typing that out even! She's always had something special to her. Not to push my other kids to the side since I know they have their own special gifts as well; but she's always had this wise-beyond-her-years understanding of people and genuine empathy. I've always felt that she was a healer, like me. Of course I won't push her to do that with her life if she doesn't choose it, but I will support what she wants to do. And I really would not be surprised if she wants to become a doctor.

This whole discussion reminds me of something I considered doing with her. This has pushed me further to the side of wanting to do it. I found Reiki healing classes for kids, but she has to be a bit older yet. I'm sure many will think I'm crazy for believing in that "made-up stuff," but I have seen energy healing firsthand and have been told that I am an energy healer if I ever would open myself up to it. I want classes for myself as well; but I do think Kierra has some amazing gifts as well.

Random Thoughts on a Saturday Night

I have a bunch of thoughts running through my head and it was hard to condense things to one topic. So, this may be a bumpy ride. Hang on! ;)

Kierra's 4th birthday is May 14th already. I've been throwing around some ideas. So far she is insistant on two things. 1) She wants to go bowling. 2) She wants a Rescue Heroes theme. I figured we could do a really small bowling get together first, then a larger party later. Kierra really wants it at our house, but it's small and there really isn't any parking. We may have to have my mom host it again, which I still feel weird about. I wish we could do it here, but I just don't know how it could be feasible. I also had the idea of a park shelter, but those aren't overly cheap either.

Ali has started with the "Why" questions. When I tell her not to do something, she always responds with "Whyyyyyyyyyyy?" She does it in this high-pitched, drawn out way that makes me want to scream but at the same time she's just so darn cute! At least she listens...sometimes. We often have to convince her it was her idea and then she's more agreeable to going along with us. LOL

Angie is alsmot crawling! I'd give her a couple of weeks and my guess is she will be a pro. She will be 9 months old on Kierra's birthday. Already!

I haven't mentioned in this blog, so for anyone not familiar with me, I have a Master's degree in art therapy. I graduated in May 2009 and have been home with the kids since. I had signed up for classes online last month. I was hoping to get a post-Master's certificate in medical family therapy. But, alas, that won't be happening. They failed to mention to me that the program is aid-ineligible. Yeah...thanks. Ugh. I'm not working so I don't have more than a grand to plop down for each class. So now I am in the process of applying to take classes for AODA certification. I figure this will keep me active in the field and possibly increase my potential for getting hired at some point. At least I hope. I have been on the look out for a part time job but haven't found anything yet. I would need a position that I could do, and my disability seems to always be in the way. Of course they never say that is why when they turn me down. But come on...I go from "Wow...Master's in art therapy! How cool!" pre-interview to "Sorry, you don't meet our qualifications" in the letter later. I can't help feeling my disability has to be playing just a little part in that!

I think that was it for what I wanted to write but it's getting really late and my mind is more jumbled up now than it was earlier. Angie is teething, so it's been some sleepless nights for me lately. Since she's sleeping, it would be wise for me to do the same. ;)

School Registration....already!

I'm registering my oldest for public 4K and I have to admit it's freaking me out. There are so many reasons. The obvious of course being that I can't believe my little baby will be in school! She grew so fast. Sigh. Of course, there's also the worries that I'm sure every parent has. How will she do? Will she fit in? Will she make friends? What if she's bullied? And on and on.

Added to that, I'm also a bit concerned how I'm going to handle it all. I will be driving her there and/or picking her back up four days a week. Michael could pick her up if she ends up in the afternoon section, but if she gets put in the morning section then it will all be on me. This will entail getting all three fed, dressed, ready to go, and packed in the car to drive there. Then I'm sure I will have to get all three out of the car to walk Kierra into the school. To a physically able person this is probably a bit stressful but totally doable. To me, it's doable but will probably have a huge learning curve until I figure out the logistics of it and what will work out best. Adaptation - story of my life! The baby, Angie, will have to be in the stroller since I can't carry her for long distances. Okay...doable. The carseats will have to be switched around so that Angie is on the outside providing me easier access. Okay...doable...I think. This may require Kierra to be in the middle and possible buckle at least part of her 5 point harness. Is that doable? I don't know. Dwelling on all these uncertainties is driving me crazy lately, so I have decided to just let it go for now. I'm not going to worry until late summer. Instead, I'm letting myself get excited for Kierra. I know she will love school. I can't wait for all the good that will come. We'll deal with the challenges. I'm used to them anyways. They just make me enjoy the sweeter parts of life more, right? Or at least I try to tell myself that somedays!

So, the next step is a screening for Kierra on May 3rd. We'll start there. My guess is she will do fine. We'll worry about the carseats later. ;)