Time for a party - a pity party that is

I'm warning you this will be a pity party post. Just let me get it out of my system, and then I'll go back to my normal self - not really Susie Sunshine, but trying to be hopeful with a dose of realism as well.

I didn't get the job. Yes, I knew this was a big possibility. I told myself not to get my hopes up. But that's hard when I was facing the prospect of almost doubling our income. I was dreaming about the bills we could pay and the things we could finally do. It was like dangling a much-desired object in front of me, but then snatching it away right when I had the hope to finally reach out.

Okay, maybe a bit melodramatic. But this job would have made us financially set. It was above and beyond what I was hoping for. Not only was it high-paying, it also had flexible hours. The job was with youth, one of my favorite populations to work with. And it would involve planning the whole program...I LOVE planning.

The key part that reeled me in? I could actually physically do the job! It was part time, so it wouldn't tire me out. There were no personal cares involved which I physically cannot do. The likelihood of violent clients was also low. Finding a job I can actually do is very difficult. That would be why I graduated last May and have been looking for a year now.

I LOVE staying home with my kids and would be fine doing that and volunteering if that was financially possible. Unfortunately, we are just scraping by. Finding a part time job will make me feel less like I'm failing my family.

It is so frustrating to go through so many years of college and end up with a Master's degree that is proving to be useless for me with my disability. I'm either overqualified, underqualified (not licensed is a big one...duh I can't become licensed until after I get hours in at a job!), or I'm qualified but can't physically do it. Or the company doesn't want to deal with my disability. Yeah, try proving that discrimination happened.

I just want to take care of my family. I don't need a swimming pool in our yard and a BMW in the driveway. I just want to make sure that my kids have everything they need. Why is that so much to ask for?

Okay, pity party done. Now back to the regularly scheduled blog. ;)